Dear Diary,

Today, I was really emotional. At first, I was getting great, I was feeling great too. But, it all changed after the school break at 1.30p.m. . We have to finish a whole load of Math T homework. Although it was just 2 pieces of paper but it really troubled us a lot because some of the questions we really didn’t know how to do it. So, that was why our class always helped each other in some difficult Math T questions. And you also have to be proactive to ask questions because people will surely not going to walk to you and teach you, you were the one that was needed to ask first.

In addition, we still needed to correct our mistakes that we had done in our Math T assignment because the mistakes that we had done were too many until our teacher told us to do it all again for the second time. It will be a tiring work but we needed to do it or else we couldn’t get ourselves the mark we wanted to and we really have to. So, I told myself I will be a patient guy while doing all of these stuff.

Next, we need to write a chemistry report for our tomorrow experiment that we are going to carry out for the first time and the last time. It is really nerve-wrecking but I will try my best in doing the experiment nicely and hopefully I will get the result I want. Plus, I also hope that my chemistry teacher will accept my experiment report and hopefully she will not be so picky with my report then I will be so grateful about this.

But, I still enjoy my day anyway. I managed not to get angry with myself for dropping my Math T paper accidentally and making me messed up with the arrangement of the paper. I was really surprised by that and I was also very thankful for that behavior of mine because I never be so good in controlling my emotion before. So, thank you myself and everything that ever changed me to become the person I want to be today and I am happy to be.

Written in 23-7-13

Dear Diary,

Today, based on my opinion, I wasn’t having a good time. First, after I went down the stairs to the canteen to wait for my friend to pass me his pendrive, I found that he wasn’t there. I wait for about 10 minutes but he still didn’t appear and I finally knew that he had forgotten to wait for me after school break. After this, I went to library for my duty and when 1 of my classmate wanted to borrow the 2013 STPM paper, another friend of mine (although we rarely talked to each other) came to us and said he wanted to borrow the pass year paper too and because I was flabbergasted by this sudden change of situation, I quickly said no. Next, I could clearly see his face quickly turned disappointed. I was so guilty with myself of not able to talk to him in a nice way and explain to him that the paper can only be borrowed if he wrote his name in the book we used to record the people’s name and information that borrow it.

Besides, my water bottle accidentally slipped off from my hand and it dropped to the ground really hard until one side of the water bottle has furrow on it. But, I was thankful that the bottle did not break or else I would have wasted a useful water bottle. And just now, I was also having some problems over the Math T exercise my teacher had given. I feel awful for it as I could not finish the question given because I don’t know how to do it. If my friends or my classmates do help me on this, then I would be feeling very thankful about it.

In conclusion, although I mostly was having a bad time today but as I thought about the situation in a different way, in which I appreciate that the situation was not turning from bad to worst. When I started to appreciate every moment I had about the bad experiences, I was feeling much better emotionally. And it did help me to cheer up my day.

Written in 18-7-13

Dear Diary,

Today, the most memorable thing I ever had is I have become one member of the committee in my club. For me, I think this is a golden opportunity to me to show my caring to our school’s form 6 library. At first, I don’t even think that I would get to the committee of my club. I just think that as long as I could be a librarian is already enough. But, if I ever able to be a member of the committee, then I would be so appreciative about this because for me to get a post, for me it is unbelievable. So, I am really thankful for that.

From this, I further learn a lot. We must learn to be appreciative constantly. I’m not saying that if you are being thankful you will get the thing you want but I am thinking that don’t it is nice just to appreciate other people for helping you, for making your life much more happier and simpler. This appreciation will further creates motivation that will encourage you to give more things back to the person that help you before or people that never help you before but possibly will carry on what you are doing, being grateful.

I also learn that we have to accept the reality that we will lose something before we are making a decision. We accept losing not to commit that ourselves are weak. We accept that we have lose is to allow ourselves to throw away all the confusing thoughts that trouble us the most, greediness and many more. If we lose, of course we will feel like we have nothing to lose anymore because we think that we have lost everything. But if we win, we won’t get too proud of ourselves either and that is what we have to practice no matter in what condition as we are competing with others.

In conclusion, I want to thank Joachim that I met in NS camp for sharing such informative point of view of him. Thank you!

Written in 16-7-13

Dear Diary,

I am feeling the urge to talk about yesterday incident although I did make a video diary about it. But, I think I am getting more likings in writing a diary than making a video diary. The reason I want to talk about yesterday issue is because yesterday was a big and hard day for me. My dog was getting pretty ill because he was not able to eat but in the end he was still able to drink some sugary water so to provide him with some energy. But, according to my mother he was still having some puke when I was in my school. This really worry me as my dog had gone to see a veterinarian already with my sister and my mother. My mother said that the veterinarian is getting his blood sample for investigation so he will find out what happen to my dog. But, I could predict that things are not getting pretty good if we can really get the result tomorrow. My dog was already old and I know he was becoming more and less energetic from time to time and died one day. But, I hope he will stay alive longer because I really need him. We already lost my first dog now the thing I want my second dog to be is always being healthy. I may not look tensed anymore because you can say I was relieved from hearing my dog had gone to see a veterinarian already. And honestly, I am having large loads of homework to be done until I cannot pay more attention to my dog. I know I should not use this as an excuse to say I’m not taking care of my dog but I really having tons of homework(can be said) to do. The thing now I can do is to pray that my dog will get well soon and the veterinarian will find out a way to treat my dog and prolong his life.

Whereas my school day today is pretty normal as usual but I have to do a lot of Math T exercise as always and adding my Math T assignment in which I haven’t finished it yet because I don’t know how to do the questions. I know I can’t always depend on my friend for help but this time we need to help each other in order to produce a completed assignment. So, I still want to say to myself, welcome to form 6 life.

Written in 11-7-13

Dear Diary,

Today, I realize that our life is complicated. Sometimes, we feel statisfied with our life but sometimes we feel sad and angry and full of hatred towards our life. Why, why our life is like this. Why can’t our life full of happiness? I always said to myself that with the mixture of good times and bad times, then our life will full of spices and will taste good. But, sometimes I don’t think like this, like today. For me, It’s very hard to accept the death of something you love, something you have put love and nourishment and your time for it to grow into something you love more. I feel hard to accept such a harsh reality. I know every life on earth will face dead one day and I accept this reality but the reality of where all your love gone suddenly and never come back anymore is just inacceptable for me, no matter temporarily or permanently. You will keep on remembering about the harsh reality every time you see or hear something that triggers your memory about your past.

I want to admit that I am having such condition in which I could not face the loss of love in my life. Not just the love from somebody but your love to somebody. My dog is going to die soon. Same thing happen to my parents in not far future. So, I always asked myself to cherish every moment I have with my family and everything you had, everything you love and everything you had instilled love into. Although one of my dog had died and it will soon followed by my other dog, but I don’t want to just stop giving love. I will be so sad when the love I am giving all this year and time to something I love the most has vanished. But, I don’t want to stop right there by stopping giving love. I would want my world to become a much more kind and caring place to live in. Although, our world may not be perfect and so do us as a human but I still want to improve the world I live in by improving myself first and later the people around me. And this is how the good thing spreads.

My dog will die one day, I have to accept it. But if you don’t want to accept it, are you going to just stop giving love. For me I would say no because love for me is important. It lets me to learn about how much beautiful the world is and further I will appreciate our world and my life and the time I spent with the people around me.

So in the end I would like to conclude that we give love and things died. These two things seem like two different things that cannot be discussed together but they are the things that are found in your life and what I said before these magnificent things are making your life meaningful is because from the harsh reality and the sweet memory, we learn to appreciate the time you spent with the things you love because of the existence of the harsh reality. It makes you more experienced and knowledgeable. It shapes you into a man you can proud of. You know you have gone through a lot and you are feeling thankful because you have get over the problem you have been painful of before.     

Written in 9-7-13

Dear Diary,

Today, it is still a normal, always doing Math T day. I may not have thousand of Math T homework given to me today but I have thousand of undone Math T homework waiting for me. I don’t feel like everyday it a bad day anymore because of Math T but I feel I am really lucky of having my present Math T teacher as my Math T teacher. Without him will I ever get to improve myself at my Mathematics subject by leaps and bounds? For me the answer is no! I am able to improve my Mathematics is all because of the exercises given by my Math T teacher. I may not know how to do some of the damn difficult question but through asking people and my Math T teacher which technically I haven’t ask a thing yet, I learn about the things I don’t know about and I am able to improve my knowledge too so I want to say thank you to my Math T teacher for doing so much thing for me and all of my classmates and all of my friends that study Biology that is thought by him.

Today I have to stay at the school for duty, as a librarian. There is nothing weird happens as I am carrying my duty until we have to leave the library and go back home already then we have problem. There is 2 girls, same form as me and they have forgotten to switch off the lamp inside the library and we all freak out and is flabbergasted for a moment. We are looking at each another and thinking one of us will do something to solve the problem. Fortunately, our senior rush into the library and switch off the lamp and it is about time as the alarm is sounded, for a while then everything return to normal again. You must be confused because you don’t know what I am talking about. Actually, I am telling an incident where my 2 friends(I don’t know should I consider them as friends or not) press on the button signaling our leaving from the library without switching off the lamp first which it leaves us creep out for a moment.

Written in 4-7-13

Dear Diary,

It is a normal day for me. I have nothing much to say about this day. I just want to appreciate the day I have. No matter it is good or bad I still appreciate it. But, if you really want me to talk about my day, I would like to say that my Math T homework is still unfinished for the past exercise given by my Math T teacher. I am feeling worried about the unfinished exercise because I don’t like my exercise to be incomplete. But I have no choice because I don’t know how to do some of the given questions. Whenever me and my classmates were interpreting the complicated question, other teacher had came in and we will have no choice but just to put away the question we were analyzing for a long time. It’s really getting complicated for my Form 6 school life but I believe this will also be the best school life I will have for the last 2 years I have in my high school. I will cherish the time I spend here no matter bad things happen or good things happen I will still cherish every moment I have because the bad and the good things that mix together are the things that will further make your life really interesting.

And I have to admit I didn’t do my exercise routine anymore because I feel that if I continue on doing so the I may become much more thinner and more serious, I will lose all the muscle I build whole heartedly all this time. I know I will lose my muscle eventually if I didn’t exercise too. But I have to eat more first so to increase my body weight then I will have a bigger chance of getting the muscle I want. But I will not give up muscle building in the future because building strong muscle is my interest and I want to realize that dream of getting a well sculptured body one day. I will not give up my dream and I will not waste away the time I have now as a teenager where I can do a lot of things I may not do in the future. I will find a way to realize the dream of mine of getting a healthy body in my teen although I could not achieve my dream of getting a muscular figure right now. I will prepare myself as best as I could in physical so I could allow myself to build muscle faster and more easier in the future because I believe my body at that time will be well adapted to the weight I put onto my body to build muscle. So, I will try my best!

Written in 2-7-13

Dear Diary,

Today, the haze is still thick. While I was driving to school this morning, I could feel the thickness of the haze in my city but the visibility was still acceptable. I think then air pollution index due to the haze in my city is not as serious as what happen at the south of Penisular of Malaysia. I am also thankful for the rain today that has reduced the haze in Bukit Mertajam and thank to the wind that has blown away all the haze so the air in Penang is not so sickening anymore. Although the wind was blowing and the rain was pouring down (not heavily), our curriculum’s teacher announced that the Tuesday assembly was cancelled and we had to go back to our respective classes for our lesson. Other than this, everything was going fine.

And another significant event for today is we have tons of homework of Math T. The homework is too much until I cannot finish it today. But, I feel excited about all these homework because I never do such an amount of homework for a mathematical subject before. Besides, I appreciate the homework given because I realize the homework given by other Math T’s teacher is not much. So, from these lots of Math T homework, I am able to improve my Math T by leaps and bounds. But, the rule is I have to finish all the homework given or ask for the questions you don’t understand. By being proactive will definitely costs you nothing but give you more advantages in understanding Math T and other subjects too. Although I have not finish my homework yet but I will try to finish it out tomorrow morning if I have time because now I feel really sleepy and need a rest.

I do not regret about me watching youtube’s video all afternoon because I consider this as my goal in achieving a better English level in the future. I set my goal to finish 1 page of video from 1 channel every day after I finish my homework. But, clearly I have not finish my homework first and have watched the videos first. Although I have messed up with my timetable but I am thankful that I have finished 1 of the goal of my day. So, I still feeling statisfied with my day and I will wake up next day to welcome the day where I set on the new challenges and feeling thankful again in the end of the day.

Written in 25-6-13

Dear Diary,

Today is a typical day for me. I drive to school and park my car under a tree not far away from my school’s gate. But the problem with my day is I cannot park my car properly under the tree. I cannot even do a side parking. It is a totally disaster for me of not able to do a side parking. Although I do not park my car in a perfect manner, I still do not care about it anyway. Nope, just kidding I care about it! Do you know how embarrassed I am of not able to park my car nicely? People walk by and stare at me and my car and like thinking, “What’s that man doing there and what’s wrong with his car, it’s looked different.”

In the end, I am glad that my car does not end up being scratched by other people’s car as they drove by and I am glad that my car does not cause any big problem for the traffic there. I appreciate my car on able to withstand my bad driving skill and the misery I put him in. I am sorry but thankful at the same time for my car of carrying me to then school and back from the school every day. Being thankful is another of my principle I am going to implement into my life starting from now.

Today, I am also responsible for the Thursday librarian duty in the Form 6 library. So, I go there pretty early after the school break. After that, I go to have my lunch and back again to the library to wait for my duty time. Yes, I manage to go through all the obstacles during my duty. (I consider the time I spent in the library as the big time in my life, technically one of my big one) I forget how I suppose to run the library. For example I do not even know what to do for me as a librarian. But I am still having a great day because I am getting the chance to wrap new books for the library that the school bought for the F6 library so we student don’t always complain about the lack of reference books in the library for our reference. But the big thing is I get to handle the books people want to borrow from the library. I get to key in the book people want to borrow and stamped the date of return to the book. (Oh my god! That is so fun!)

Finally I really have to admit that my language is really sucked. But, I will always improve and I believe one day I would achieve my goal of being not hesitated when writing an English essay and eloquent in speaking to people with English.

Written in 20-6-13

Dear Diary,

Today, I am trying the two sets 7 minutes workout for the first time. Although it was hard, I succeeded to finish it anyway.  But I did not do it properly and completely. Most of the exercise I done is wrong and it did not stimulate my body properly and leaving the golden opportunity of building a big and lean muscle to be skipped away. It did not mean that I did not want to build strong muscle but I could not stand the pressure and force that put on my muscle anymore. My muscle seemed like not strong enough to finish every exercise properly. But, from what I had read on the internet about the body building facts, it was said that the muscle will rebuild itself if it torn off from doing exercise so to form a much stronger and bulkier muscle to withstand a much more bigger force acting on it.

I will promise myself to keep on doing the exercise twice from this day onwards because I really want to build a strong and muscular body. And today morning I did see the result of what I had achieve recently pay off. I could see my muscle at my chest has become bulkier and I was pretty happy with it. I will continue on doing the exercise, even though I may not doing it properly but I want to do it because I want to achieve the result behind all the hard work. I realize that we must do something instead of dreaming about it to see the result you always dreamed about. There is no fault of dreaming about something but we have to do it after we dreamed about it because the thing you dream about is something you really want, something I really want. And I can say there are still many things I want to do from the list I keep in my mind that I put the things I dreamed to do in my life or in the future.

I want to start a new story. And the new story I want to talk about will be my attendance to the taekwondo practice. This is my first time of knowing such a remarkable self defense mechanism. I have wanted to learn taekwondo since I came back from national service. I found that I very weak and many of the heavy jobs set out in the camp I could not do it. I felt I do not enjoy my life all this time of being an outgoing teenager. All of my friends there always go out with their friends for doing some extreme activities. And all I have done is just to sit at home and watching television. Due to the activities they done, they are able to develop a much healthier and stronger body. Not like me, I am not even able to hold a person as he falling down with his back to me.

But I will not be a hedonistic person, I will try to use my remaining precious time to enjoy the life I really want it to be. I will enjoy every taekwondo practice I go in the future. Although it is hard but I will consider it as a meaningful experience that I ever have, no matter it is wonderful or intimidating. I appreciate all the things I have in my life, including these experiences I am going to get.

Written in 18-6-13